We watched the SuperBowl at my brother's Man Cave last night.  Had a bit of a problem getting there, but once we made the connection with the game and my brother, it was great fun.

My darling wife has a problem with expectations.  I wish she would let me know what her plans are, what she is hoping will happen.  If I knew, I could help.  When I don't, I can't.

I got in trouble with her yesterday when she started to tell me about how she feels when she tries to set up a social event and it doesn't turn out like she planned.

I knew the end of the speech, and my face showed it.  She was starting to cry and thought it was about that.  I get really frustrated because she takes whatever is happening at that particular moment and makes it the only outcome possible.  I continue to remind her that things don't have to happen the same way every time.  If she'd talk to me about her expectations, maybe I could do something to fulfill them.

A while back, we went to a clinical psychologist to have my wife tested.  I think that there are functions in her brain that don't work like most other people.  One of the few usable pieces of information we got was that she has problems with abstraction.  Almost from the moment he said it, I knew it was true.  My wife can't imagine anything other than what's happening right now.  My task is to keep my head up and looking down the trail for our next obstruction, so we can work on it together and overcome it.

I am also working at making sure that her depression doesn't become my depression.  Sometimes that means I have to literally get out of her space so that I can experience my own.  Usually, that just going to the back of the trailer to read, or maybe go over to my sister's to help her with housework.  Once I get out of the power of her electromagentic field, I can usually separate my feelings from hers.  It just so difficult to watch the person you love most in the world in that much pain.

I sometimes feel that I'm married to her, but she still isn't really married to me.  I try to consider her in every decision I make, because I know it will effect her.  Sometimes I don't know if she does that with me.

We were both alone (without lovers) for 11 years before we got together.  But her 11 years was a much longer amount of time, as she's a lot younger than I am.  Also, I do have better socialization skills, so I wasn't as alone as she was.

Oh, did I ever crave skin time with her when we first connected!  I don't crave it like I used to, but her skin still turns me on in ways I had never experienced before.  Sometimes, I need to stop touching her, because it feels like I'm approaching the feedback loop from "Brainstorm,"  where the guy orgasms continuously.  It's not that bad, but I sometimes feel myself approaching the edge.

TMI?  Maybe, but it is what I feel.

I love my wife more than anything else in this world and I want to do whatever I can so she can have a life of social connection, involvement and validation.  We keep working on getting to that goal, sometimes going this way, sometimes that.  Through it all, I only want to keep her happily beside me.  Once she can feel good about herself all the time, then we can do what I feel we were meant to do - try, in our little way, to make the world a better place for all the little people, like us.

Have a great day and keep reading!